Living the "Crumby Life"

My house is a wreck.

It wasn't a wreck until we emptied all of the unpacked boxes from the garage to our living room.

Plus- We have 2 cars in our garage!! woohoo!!
Minus- We have all of our unpacked boxes in the middle of our empty living room!  woohoo!! (<--not)

Moving is hard.  Moving with three children (ALL home for summer break...) impossible.  Seriously.  I might never ever ever move again because this has been so difficult.. but it has taught me to relax and eat the elephant one bite at a time, so they say.

A friend came over this afternoon to pick up something.  I knew she was coming today, but I did not know the time.  Quite honestly, I had forgotten she was even coming until she called me at 11 and told me she was on her way.  When I received the call I was in route to pick up Daxx from school.  (They only went a 1/2 day this first day... not cool people in charge... not cool... I need 8-2:30 minimum to get anything accomplished!!) Anyhow, since I was in the car with 2 tired and hungry children, I was unable to scurry around the house and pick up the bazillion pairs of shoes and the 1/2 eaten pieces of bread that were cluttering up my living room filled with boxes.

She was waiting in front of my house when I pull into the drive way.  So, not only does she get to see my insanely dirty house, but she gets a glimpse of my van... which is even scarier I am sure.   She comes in, we chat, she gets her stuff, she leaves... I throw food at the children and toss them into bed  (Just kidding!! )  I feed them lunch and then usher them to their rooms for naps and then I go throughout the house cleaning up from the chaos of the morning.

As I am picking up I become more and more irritated at the "snacks" that have ended up around my house.  Empty goldfish bags, banana peels breading colonies of gnats, containers with 4-5 Cherios abandoned in the bottom, and 8 cups halfway filled with apple juice!!  Whaaaaa!!!

My insides were screaming... "THIS. IS. RIDICULOUS.  I will never feed my children snacks again!!!"

In the midst of my frustration God gently said to me, "Heather... this is a season of snacking... For your children and for you." 

My children are young.  Their bellies are little.  They need snacks.  They also need meals of healthy filling food too.  Both are essential for them to be growing little people, happy and ready to learn.

This phase of my life is difficult.  It is requiring more of me than I can give so I must constantly be "snacking" on God's word throughout the day.  As I shuffled through my house picking up those stale crumbs that made it possible for my child to make it to their next meal without going into a low-blood-sugar induced coma, God revealed how he allows my soul to snack on Him.

Through Music; He fills me up.

Through scripture I have memorized; He fills me up.

Through fellowship with my family and friends; He fills me up.

Through silence and calmness; He fills me up.

Through listening to His Word; He fills me up.

Through finding beauty in his creation; He fills me up.

(The list goes on and on...)

In so many ways God pours into my life in perfectly small amounts, but those minute moments are sometimes the only thing that gets me to my next feast.  Without them, I too would end up on the floor in a "my-children-are-screaming-and-I-am-a-tired-Mommy" coma!

Snacks will be had, no matter what... no matter how hard I fight them, I live a "crumby" life right now and I must accept it.  Along with the crumbs my soul rejoices in the continual filling of the Holy Spirit, because without Him I am hopeless and I am ridiculous... and I am a mess too.

God is so gentle and full of grace, for Him to seek me out in these small ways and to care enough about me to nourish my soul in ways that I cannot describe is incredible.  I am so thankful I serve a God who cares, and a God who meets me where I am.

My Mom is the "SNACK QUEEN"... Every time we see her she brings the kids baskets of snacks.  I blame their bad habit on her.  ;)  

A Home the God Uses

Thinking on the idea of "Home" has hit me quite hard this year, both literally and figuratively.  Since the past 5 months our family has undergone moving, being homeless (but staying with relatives), losing a home, finding a new home, unpacking, arranging, and all other connotations to the word "Home", I was a little "HOMED" out.  This Homie has taken a personal vow to NEVER grace the screen of zillow.com or watch House Hunters for the next 5 years after my experience this last summer.

This past semester I took part in the most awesome book study where a group of women in our church read through "Finding Your Purpose as a Mom" by Donna Otto.  We met tonight for a reunion and I was supposed to share a little something I gleaned from our time together. As I skimmed over my book  reading my notes and highlighted quotes I landed on topics that him me hard, once again.  The first being the factual statement, "Throughout the Old and New Testaments we find the idea that homes are places where souls are nourished and where God's ways are taught".   What truth we see here.  This lead my over caffeinated brain on a bunny trail of the use of a "HOME" in scripture.  I started to wonder where and when I have seen God use the home as the setting to his story.

1: A PLACE OF REFUGE:

I first thought of the Jews finding protection within the walls of their homes during Passover in Egypt.  Moses commanded the elders of Israel to paint the door frames of their homes with the blood of the passover lamb, then seek refuge inside the walls of their home.  God used the homes of the Israelites to provide safety from "the destroyer" that memorable night.  Just as God used homes as a place of refuge then, our homes should be a refuge now.  Set apart by God, for Him.  God can use any home in any location to be a shelter of protection.  In the book of Joshua He chose the home of a prostitute to harbor his spies from their enemy, and in return for her obedience she was incorporated into the ancestry of Jesus Christ.  All for opening her home!!!

What I glean from Rahab's story is that sometimes it is a sacrifice for us (as women) to open our homes to others, especially when they are in distress.  In order for others to find healing or protection we have to place our selves in the position of being vulnerable, and that's just DIFFICULT. Period.  When I see my friends who have opened their homes to foster children, to adoption, to family member's in need, or elderly parents/grandparents I see selflessness; I see sacrifice; I see difficulty; I see tears; I see pain; I see vulnerability... but beyond those things I see a greater JOY; I see a greater PEACE; I see a greater LOVE; I see a Greater GOD... Because when someone is seeking refuge, shelter, or protection and you open your home to them, you also open your heart.

2: A PLACE OF TEACHING:

Deuteronomy 6:4-9 says, "⁴ Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.^[a] 5 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. ⁶ These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. ⁷ Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. ⁸ Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.⁹ Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates."

God commands us to use the safety of our home as a place of teaching our children.  Teaching things of eternal value; lessons not received from PBSKids, Netflix or Disney Jr.  Not only are we to teach scripture as we see in this verse above, but also character.  How to be a friend, how to listen, how to love our neighbor... starting with the one down the hall!!  

When Jesus visited Mary and Martha, Mary sat at his feet and listened while Martha scurried around the house cleaning, cooking, piddle-ing her time away while the KING was near!! Jesus tell's Martha..To Stop.  To Sit.  To Listen.  To Love him by SLOWING DOWN!!! (What a lesson I need to hear!!)  As mothers we must remember this lesson that Jesus himself demonstrated, we must LEARN to stop, to sit, to listen, to love our families by SLOWING DOWN.  We, too, can be caught in the kitchen mopping the floors at midnight or hidden under a mountain of laundry so high it reaches the shade of the floor lamp but neglecting to play babies with our little girls or giving piggyback rides to our little boys or taking time to listen to the hearts of our school aged children.

Our homes must be a place of teaching... to both our children and to ourselves.  At times it is easy for me to accept the job as teacher, but it is difficult for me to submit to the role of student... Learning to live slowly, learning to love deeper, learning to listen intently... these things are difficult for me when I view my home as a place to clean and a place to work... but when I view my home as a place for teaching and for learning...It is an easier concept to accept.


3: A PLACE OF FRIENDSHIP

I want to live contrary to our society's lavish view of what the purpose of a home is.  I want my home to be MORE than matching throw pillows and 3 inch crown molding.  It is the desire of my heart to have a home with a heartbeat, with a soul, with smells of good food, and sounds of deep laughter.  I want memories to be made of togetherness, of celebration, of friendship and of honoring others.  Beyond the walls of my home must exist a spirit of togetherness, an atmosphere where people feel that they belong.

The kingship of Jesus was celebrated intimately in homes, surrounded by his disciples, by his friends and his family.  Offerings were made to Jesus on a dusty living room floor as Mary broke the expensive vile of perfume and anointed the feet of King Jesus.

Jesus chose to spend his last moments on earth around a table with food, with wine, with friends... together.  There was not one mention of the menu or of fancy decor, but instead of the people who were with him and the fellowship they shared.  When his disciples asked him where he wanted to observe the passover, he instructed them to find a "house" in the city where they shall eat.   Would my house be a home chosen by God for his son, the King of Kings to dine on his very last meal with friends?

4:  A PLACE FOR MIRACLES AND SALVATION:

Speaking of Jesus inviting himself into homes... Did you know Jesus visited 29 homes throughout his 3 years of ministry?  Did you know Jesus' first miracle was preformed INSIDE a home?  Did you know Jesus raised 2 people from the dead inside of their homes?  Yup, yup and yup...

Scriptures make it known that Jesus was very present inside the Jewish synagogue but rarely were his miracles preformed inside the walls of the place of worship.  Instead he chose to make himself known inside homes, outside homes, in crowds of people and other times in the presence of a few.  Our homes are more than 4 walls with rooms to pickup, carpets to vacuum, kitchen floors to sweep, bathrooms to clean... our homes are places where MIRACLES CAN HAPPEN!!!  Where healing can occur, where people can be spiritually resurrected and eternity's solidified.  Intimate quarters for intimate encounters.

Do you remember the song about Zacchaeus from your childhood, the one about a "wee little man" where Jesus shakes his finger at Zacchaeus and says, "I am coming to your house today."  Basically, what I am saying is that  Jesus had no manners, he invited himself inside homes on several occasions; probably because he knew his initiation was crucial.  Our sinful nature desires for him to stay on the outside and to refuse to open the door, but when we answer that knock, salvation occurs.  When Jesus looked up into the eyes of the frail dishonest tax collector, he knew his visit would result in salvation.  In Luke 19:9-10 Jesus said to Zacchaeus, ⁹  “Today salvation has come to this house, because this man, too, is a son of Abraham. ¹⁰ For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost.”

Our homes are places not only where miracles happen, but also where salvation occurs.  As a small girl I came to know my savior in my bedroom with my parents by my side.  What an honor for my home to someday host the salvation of another.  I pray this does become reality, whether the salvation of a friend or family member I pray that my home is a place of miracles and of salvation.  


Donna Otto sums it up best in this quote, "You are called to create and maintain a home environment and atmosphere that reflects God's love, God's hope, God's peace--quite literally, to build your home on holy ground".  

As I establish this new home that we now have, I use the above quote as my inspiration.  Reminding myself that time and time again God used HOMES to tell his story, to protect his people, to bring salvation and to honor others, and I want my home to be worthy of this cause.  The good news is that there is no square footage requirement, you do not need granite countertops or travertine tile, and your curtains don't have to be so many inches from the ceiling.  If you don't have chalkboard paint or a repurposed pallet, you're NOT out of luck!  If Rahab can be obedient enough to open up her home located within the walls of a city in the center of the red-light district, then I can too can use my home for his purpose!!

In reflection, because of this book my view of my HOME has transformed completely.  I now realize that the purpose of my home is not one of beauty, but for beautiful people.  I now realize my work inside my home is not one of monotonous chores but one of teaching and learning.  I now realize that the safety I create inside of my home brings about miracles and salvation.  When we look up from our pottery barn catalogues and our never ending Pinterest boards, and we find the ability to set our eyes on things above our perspective shifts, and our desires warp into those that are pleasing to Him.


Thanks for reading!!

"Joy" Always Trumps "Happiness"...

Before having children I was a teacher.  One of the rituals I had every year was filling in my school calendar.  At the beginning of each school year I would buy a large desk calendar.  I would fill out the calendar with important events, most importantly the days we had off, decorating it with markers, color coding each event.   It was my holy grail of calendars.  If I was having a particularly hard day I could sit back in my fancy "swively" desk chair, look at my calendar and anticipate the next vacation, birthday party, or free day to sleep in until noon.  Often I would repeat to myself (or sometimes to the students), "Only three more weeks until Spring Break... you can do this!".  I seemed to be living from "calendar event to calendar event".

We do this so often in everyday life as well.  We have count downs for baby arrivals, marriages or even the return of a family member from war.  Though these events are life changing and weighty on the scale of importance, they have a pending end.  The internet has made our countdowns even more exciting by offering us handy countdown apps, or calendars you can subscribe to that tell you how many days, minutes (or even seconds) are left until the anticipated date and time.  I love living in anticipation.  There have been times in my life that I thrive on it, especially when I am anticipating something HUGE!

As we get older, we check off some of these "life milestones" like graduation, marriage, babies... then we hit a plateau in life.  I suddenly have no need for a fancy countdown calendar to reel by, and I hit a lull.

My mom is a wise woman.   (If you only knew the depth of her wisdom.)  She is the person in my life that I can count on to give me an honest answer, even if it is hard to hear.  She can be my sounding board when thinking through decisions.  Lately, I was talking to her about some different situations and she shared with me something that has been pinging back and forth in my head for the last few weeks.

She said.
 "Heather, you find HAPPINESS in "happenings", and JOY is constant no matter what our circumstance."

When she said this to me, I agreed and then we kept talking, eventually moving on from that topic.  But as I am still and listen, I keep coming back to this phrase.

First of all, am I seeking happiness or joy?  Am I depending on my life to be filled with exciting "happenings" one after the other, that lead me to believe that I am "happy"?  Am I putting more weight on being "happy" than being "joyful"?  Should I even seek out happiness, or is it a byproduct of joy?  (These are all questions that have entered my mind the last few weeks when thinking about my Mom's statement) 

I once had a friend of mine tell me "But, I deserve happiness...".  Really, DO WE?  Probably not.  Most likely not.  Actually the answer is NO, we don't deserve "happiness", what we deserve is the opposite.  Because of Christ, we are offered something far greater than happiness, Joy.

 Joy is internal contentment that comes from internal factors like our faith in the Lord, whereas  happiness is dependent on external circumstance.  

Over and over scripture talks about the Lord being a source of Joy.  "The joy of the Lord is my strength"(Nehemiah 8:10), "the fruit of the spirit is... joy" (Galatians 5:22) , the Lord is the "joy of our salvation"(Psalm 51:12)... you see what I am saying?  Joy is referred to over 300 times in the Bible, where as the word "happy" is only referred to 30.  The fountain from where joy flows is from the Lord alone, not by our own accomplishments, and not through any exciting situations.  Joy is unconditional, cross cultural, interdenominational, it breaks all socioeconomic rules,  it is intergenerational, non-gender-specific and uncircumstantial.

In James 1:2 Paul actually commands us to consider it "pure joy" when we are confronted with trials... (what!!  Talk about counterintuitive.)  Our human nature wants to look at the trails in our life, no matter what they might be, and focus on the negative.  When we give power to the "happenings" in our life, we allow them to lift us up (when they are good)... but to also bring us down (when they stink).  Instead we need to surrender that "power" to Christ, and when we do so, he replaces it with Joy.

If you find yourself in the plateau of life, and you don't have "joy"... you will either make up exciting "happenings" to get you through (sometimes these are detrimental to your relationships, jobs, or responsibilities) or you may sink into a circumstantial depression, because "things just are not going your way".  When I catch myself in this frame of mind, I pause and I pose the question:

"Am I seeking happiness or am I relying on joy?"

Really think, are you allowing the "happenings" in your life to dictate your emotions, or are you depending on the strength of the Lord to provide you with the internal contentment that we call "Joy".


Thanks for reading.