Cough cough...pause...gag...and then the upchucking commences.
As a veteran mom of three, I knew what that sound meant... the stomach bug had reared his ugly head. He always likes to make his entrance in the middle of the night... or in the car, both are equally unpleasant.
Of course Dutchy threw his guts up at 12:02 AM... and Denver was scheduled to leave town for 5 days in a few short hours. This is how motherhood works, people. I have coined my own term for this happenstance... I'd like to introduce you to my term
/ˈmämē/ /ˈkärmə/ : mommy karma
After tirelessly reading through all of the parenting books that your friends suggest to you, or the pamphlets that you receive from your OB's office, or the bazillions of magazines and coupons popping up in your mailbox after one purchase at a maternity store.... you would think that someone, somewhere, would warn new Moms about Mommy Karma.
Mommy Karma can only be defined by testimonials of it's happenings... FIRST HAND examples of Mommy Karma, MAY or MAYNOT include:
How about the time you PLAN to lay down on the couch to rest for 30 minutes during naptime, then all 3 children conspire against you and no one naps... not even the smallest of all children who usually takes a typical-no-fail-three-hour nap....Mommy Karma.
When you look over at a random child in the park pushing his sister and you think to yourself, "my children would never act like such barbarians", but as you turn your head you see your 5 year old son chasing his 3 year old sister with a large wooden stick in attempts to whack her upside the head... Mommy Karma. FYI... All kids are capable of being heathens... it's a fact. If you don't believe it, by all means, please take your child to Chuck-E-Cheese on a Saturday afternoon in the middle of winter break and pray to survive.
When your child is potty training and you let all your Facebook friends know that you have successfully and easily potty trained your cherub, and then you go to a friends house and your daughter pees allover THEIR living room carpet ... Mommy Karma. AND... guess what, I have the most awesome friend in the whole entire world and she loves my kids even if they pee on her carpet.
Or when you brag to all your friends that your baby has nursed perfectly for 3 months and then goes on a cold turkey nursing strike... Mommy Karma.
Or when you tell all of your friends you are done having children and you are happy with the two beautiful babies that you have... only to realize you are PREGNANT with numero tres WHILE you say the statement above.... Mommy Karma... muhahahaha... yea that was a fun memory, but alas, I am happy that Karma bit me that time, because I have a beautiful baby boy who will probably be the one who cares for me when I am senile and need a ride to my routine colonoscopy or to the dollar store someday.
But, guess what....Mommy Karma no longer scares me. Now, I know to expect it. I have stopped hiding from it, and instead I embrace it as part of my reality. You can count on Mommy Karma to make your life unpredictable and interesting, and she likes to serve up a nice helping of humble pie every once and a while. ;)
Thanks for reading.